Neuron Ophthalmologist Eye Appointment

Neuron Ophthalmologist Eye Appointment

Yesterday my Dad drove me to Froedtert to see the Neuro Ophthalmologist to have my eye examined. The appointment was positive again. The doctor primarily did similar tests as my optometrist did, but did a few more that really showed how my eye is aligning. The good news is…there is movement of the pupil! It is very slight but more than just a week ago when I saw the optometrist.

When I saw my neurosurgeon on Dec. 2nd he reported NO MOVEMENT of eye pupil. The optometrist indicated .5 mm up and down one week ago. Yesterday the ophthalmologist indicated 1 mm up, down and to the right. Still no movement to left, but I Trust it will come. God is working, I know HE is. The ophthalmologist said this is good news and very good improvement in less than one month. She is confident my eye lid will continue to open. It currently can open nearly ¾ way and I have to squint now to keep it closed because of the double vision.

She indicated one of the nerves that opens the lids also controls eye movement, so since the lid is opening she is certain movement will continue to progress. All good news! She told me we will not talk about any sort of surgery for the lid or to restore my vision for at least a year, if ever, pending the results of my collagen biopsy. The eye nerves as you can guess are incredibly delicate and if I have a problem with collagen –the surgeons would be wary of trying to do this delicate of a surgery if my veins, arteries are so fragile. So, this means I look to the mighty Healer to restore my eye so I don’t have to go down that path!

She also tested me with prism’s to see if she could align my eyes and help with the double vision, but wasn’t successful. She thought it might be a bit premature, but said at my next appointment (in one month) we could try again. I would ask for your continued prayers – I am praying that my eye fully open by my next appointment and possibly be ready for prisms. :-) The squinting is more tiring than having my eye permanently shut and I am planning on returning to work on January 12th. I’d love to be able to move on to glasses or contacts so working will be easier and not so tiring. I am looking forward to returning to work –I am grateful for the time I have had at home with Anna and William, it has been fun enjoying the winter with them. But, getting back into our routine will also be nice. My team at work has been so kind and gracious throughout all of this that I am looking forward to rejoining my work team.

Jude 1:24-25

And, now all to Glory to God, who is able to keep you from stumbling, and who will bring you into his glorious presence innocent of sin and with great joy. All glory to him, who along is God our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Yes, glory, majesty, power and authority belong to him, in the beginning, now and forevermore. Amen

Peace be with you all.

Love, Claudine

Claudine's Christmas Eve Message

Glory to God in the highest heaven,
and peace on Earth to all whom God favors."
Luke 2:14


Wishing you a Blessed Christmas Eve and Joyous Christmas Day from snowy Wisconsin.
I chose the verse above because this year I feel that I have an extra special reason to give Glory to God in the highest heaven.

Here is my Blessings (Gratitude) List for Christmas 2008

1. The end to a highly emotional and physically draining 22 month divorce.

2. The move to Appleton from Wisconsin; our beautiful new home and my wonderful job at Kimberly-Clark.

3. Our faithful and ever present Lord who spared my life and along the way is showing me to be bold about shouting HIS name out loud.

4. The slow recovery of my eye. (More below...I am celebrating HIS Good News and the good news He is giving me this holiday!)

5. For all the meal support, monetary gifts and prayers I received during my surgery and recovery.

6. The birth and already 3 visits with my new nephew, Baby James Steven. He is incredibly handsome and so strong. We love to watch him grow.

7. My brother, Ryan and his wife, Courtney and Baby James for flying home during my recovery.

8. My parents. Their support, love and constant help throughout my life, but especially in the past 22 months.

9. My dear and challenging 3 year old twins, Anna and William. They make me a better person everyday as I continue to learn as I try to train them up in the way they should go.

10. To 2009 and His plan -- I am excited to see how it continues to unfold.

On Monday, the optometrist I saw told me I should be doing the "Happy Dance" in regards to my eye. I thought to myself, I definitely would raise my arms and praise God for his awesome work and also do the "Gratitude Dance" with my children when I got home. My eye started to open about 1/4 of the way last Friday --it now opens nearly 1/2 way and 3/4 way in the morning after a good nights rest. Since it can voluntary open and I can "force" it open and to "blink," she found this very good news for less than 2 months of recovery. The other good news is, that there are several ways once it is open that they can restore my vision. At the office visit, we closed my good eye and held up a lens as I lifted my eye -- with this lens I could see 20/20.

Although the eye at this point only looks straight ahead, this doctor does therapy for the eye to work on aligning it with the other eye and strengthening the nerves as they heal. She is the only one in the area, so I feel grateful to have found her. My eye continues to open each day; as soon as it is open she will either fit me with a contact lens or glasses so I can have my vision back in both eyes. The aligning and increased movement will take time, but truthfully this is better news than I expected. Even if I had to live with no improvement in the eye and just look through a lens, I would consider this my miracle. Any improvement, which is expected, is just a Gift from God.

I have so many reason to praise His name this Christmas. Many more than the 10 above. I hope you all are praising His name this Christmas, despite any year's burdens and set backs. He is our wonderful counselor and His works are above anything earthly we can imagine. Give ALL your Glory to His name and he will Bless you.

Blessing to all of you and your families from us.

With love, Claudine, Anna and William

All I Want for Christmas

All I want for Christmas....

On today's wintery, snowy day we decided to go to the mall. Ah yes, Grandpa said, it will be a good day to go no one will be there. So, off we went in the 4WD truck to the mall to see Santa. (Grandpa was right...there was no one in line to see Santa!)

Yes, this year Anna and William said they would go see Santa IF Momma, Grandma and Grandpa would go too and sit on his lap first! This is the first time they have voluntarily decided it might be okay to sit on Santa's lap!

William has been practicing what he was going to tell Santa he wanted for Christmas..."I want toys and a new red Spiderman costume." Anna wants ALL the princess Barbie dolls, "Belle, Cinderella, Snow White, Jasmine, Sleeping Beauty, etc. etc..... "

They've been asking Mommy what I was going to ask Santa for, and I said, all I want is for Anna and William to be safe and healthy. William said, "Are you going to ask for your eye to open?" He then said, "I think we should ask Jesus and God for that."

Well, today I woke up and in the shower realized my vision was blurry. And, then noticed my eye was voluntarily opening just a little bit, maybe one-quarter of the way! When I showed Anna and William, Anna cheered and William said, "see I asked Jesus to open it."

Although we are all certain this is just small progress...it is progress. Hallelujah! I have a doctor's appointment on Monday with the optometrist. And, then I will be going to Froedtert to see the Neuro Opthamologist at a later date. I am hesitant to get excited, I am a bit fearful if it opened what that would mean since the eye is still unresponsive...but I am going to take this progress as God's work and continue to trust in HIS plan and timing for my eye. We know he will continue to Amaze us with his Grace and work. (You all must listen to the version of Amazing Grace Kristie posted .... it is just incredible!)

Thought I'd share our Santa photo with you all...Santa remembered us from 2 years ago--I thought I'd share that photo too and you will understand why we were so memorable! :)

Enjoy the snowy weather!

Love, Claudine

Amazing Grace

Oh the weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful, and since there's no place to go, Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow! Yup - the Pacific Northwest is getting blasted! I hear Wisconsin is also under the influence of the white stuff too. Safe travels to all.

This morning I viewed this YouTube video and still have goose bumps - what an awesome song!
II Divo - Amazing Grace

Enjoy

TURN YOUR SPEAKERS UP................AND WHEN IT HITS THE 3 MINUTE MARK..............HOLD ON TO YOUR SEATS!!
Click on link below:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=YtrnB4FZ-yc

Santa's Destiny

Whether it's the affect of the Full Moon, or all the wind and rain in the Pacific Northwest that stirs the inners tonight, a cartoon came to mind earlier today that appeared on my screen a few years ago. While reflecting on Claudine's previous post on the words journey, destiny and destination, I was thinking to myself, "What does Santa have to do with the word destination?"

As the energy of the Full Moon builds, and the gusts are picking up, these words come through,

"Even Santa's journey sometimes is overshadowed by some bumps in the road, yet he never loses site of his Destination."

Someday's I feel like the Cosmos Reindeer (the one upside down)! :-)

Auntie K

------ DESTINY ------

Friday, December 12: Knowing our Destination


Today I went to work to see my boss and co-workers. I feel so blessed that after only 6 months with a company I have a team that cares so much about me. Today I realized that it feels that I have worked with Kimberly-Clark for a lot longer to have such a relationship with my co-workers already.

I was greeted with hugs and kind words. And, such a feeling that everyone just cares about my recovery, not when I am returning to work.

It was such a wonderful feeling, and says alot about the company and people who work there. I feel very blessed to be part of this team and this organization.

As my boss and I were talking, I mentioned that without having a faith in Christ, I am not sure how I would have made it through this situation and all of the news I have recieved. He said to me, "The peace comes from knowing the destination even though we don't know all of the plans or the journey that will get us there.

That is just what is reassuring to know."

As I was driving home, I thought about this some more. And, it made me think of those motivational statements are so popular. I thought of this one that was so popular, "Destiny: Life's a journey, not a destination." Do you all remember these?

As I thought about this some more, I thought yes, life is a journey.

But, it makes me sad if you don't know the destination.

Life with Christ is all about the Destination, and the journey is his to give us.

Yes, I think we should take the time to enjoy moments in our life. We should be proud of milestones and achievements of our lives, of our kids lives. But, I can't imagine not knowing and not focusing on the destination. Without knowing the destination, I am not sure how I would have gotten through the past 20 months! Knowing the destination is what gives me hope and purpose and contentment.

The destination is what I live for.

To know my destination gives me purpose. To live with Christ, to live Christ-like and to live for Christ.

So, I would say, "Destiny: Life's a journey, BUT it's all about the DESTINATION.


Love, Claudine

"God of Wonders"

"God of Wonders"

For the past couple of days, God has been blessing me with amazing strength. I wanted to share this will all of you. I feel so good. So strong, I still need to rest in the afternoon. But, just rest not really nap anymore. And, yes on our snowy days the past few I have snow blowed my own drive way. If you can picture me out there in full snow gear blowing my own driveway---you are way ahead of my own perception of myself.

But, God truly gives us no more than we can handle. I feel stronger every day. I feel blessed and amazed by his awesomeness. My doctors told me my strength might not return for up to three months, and here I am at just a little over 2 months since I have been out of the hospital and I am feeling really strong.

It is an answer to my prayers. Truly. I prayed for strength and some insight on when I would feel strong enough to return to everyday life and work. After my last doctor's appointment, I just felt tired and wondered if I would ever feel as though I could do this "single working mom" thing ever again. I mean it is tiring!!!! :) But, he is truly a God of Wonders.

Third Day is my favorite band. So, thought I'd share this song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CBNE25rtnE with you all...it makes me put my hands into the air every time to praise God and his awesomeness. When William, Anna and I listened tonight and I raised my hands they said "what are you doing." When I told them I was praising God, they both raised their arms and sang to the part they know "God of Wonders..." and told me "We love Jesus too." Then, William told me he is going to ask Jesus and Santa to open my eye, okay Mommy?"

This is why I have strength. God keeps blessing me so I can experience more moments with Anna and William that continue to make me smile and KNOW he is working in all of our lives.

The other song I've included, again my Third Day, titled "Call on Jesus" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MOb8ihacSM4 is my all time favorite. It is perfect song when I need a reminder who to talk to when I am sad or in my "unbelieving moments." It was the song that I listened to everyday during my seperation/divorce. My wedding anniversary was this past Sunday, Dec. 7th and although a much easier day than last year, I listened to this song again that day. I remember crying in my car so often with this song, but knowing that by calling on Jesus I would get through it. And, again I celebrate our God of Wonders only one year later that some of that pain has subsided.

Love, Claudine

St. Nick's Day and Finding Joy

My Christmas Wish: Finding everyday JOY!

Yesterday my kids and I awoke to find that St. Nicholas has paid our home a visit. This was the first time he left presents in our "big socks" as Anna and William call them. After we had opened our small treats from St. Nicholas, Anna said to me, "I am so happy Mommy." My heart melted and this reminded me AGAIN of the true meaning of Christmas. But, one day I hope Anna and William have JOY instead of happiness.

Because happiness depends on "happenings" and the things around you. But JOY depends on Christ. It is a reminder on what to focus on and prioritize around. To a three year old--princess hair glitter and Bat Man socks is pure happiness. I bet some day Anna (and William) will know the difference between happiness and Joy. And, that happiness will continue to be shared with a grateful heart and a Joy in knowing Jesus.

Did you know if you look up happiness in the index of a bible (at least in mine) you won't find any references. But, if you look up Joy you will find many. I didn't know the difference until about 2 years ago. I was told, "God does not promise you nor guarantee you happiness while on Earth. (There is no mention of a promise of happiness in the Bible.)
Often times, if you know Jesus, you will experience less happiness than an unbeliever. But, you will experience JOY!"

Philippians 1, talks about Joy in Suffering. Paul is in prison in Rome and unsure whether he will be executed or released. But, from his prison cell he writes the letter to the Phillipians about Joy and knowing Jesus Christ.

Joy does not come from outward circumstance--but from inward strength...from knowing Christ personally and depending on his strength versus our own.

His suffering and imprisonment lead to other Christians ... "gained the confidence to become more bold in telling others about Christ. (Phil 1:14)

And, (Phil 1:20) "Hope that I will never do anything that causes me shame and I will always be bold for Christ...and that my life will always honor Christ whether I live or die."

This is my hope for myself, my kids and all of my dear friends and family. Finding JOY changes your life. You don't almost need to die to experience this awesome perspective on a new way to live your life. It is amazing that during the most challenging and uncomfortable situations God throws our way that you can find JOY if you know HIM! It is HIS ultimate Christmas gift to us---his Grace will give you JOY. And, from that joy comes a a quiet confidence and feeling of contentment no matter what the "happenings" around you. Who wouldn't want that?

I ran into a woman that attends my Single Mom bible study. She told me today, that she missed me the last 4 weeks of our study because no matter what life seemed to throw at me, I always was positive and a "joy" to be around. WOW! I almost cried and told her I am so glad. I do feel that I have JOY in my heart. And, I feel that my situation has made me want to be bolder for Christ. But, I am so glad that even before this happened, my JOY could be seen. That is what it is all about when you know Jesus. And, over the next days as I read Phillipians further, my prayer is that all of you either rekindle or find that JOY that only Jesus Christ can bring.

Love to you all.

Claudine

P.S. My heart EKG came back with some minor issues, but nothing at this time that warrants further testing or medication. My doctor will just monitor it in the future. Thank you for all your emails this week asking about the results.

Living on the Edge

Living on the Edge

Claudine has been a little quiet for a couple of days and I heard that today she took Anna and William to get their pictures taken with Santa. I look forward to posting those in the future! So in the meantime to keep my keyboard warm and my mind from atrophy, I remembered a great story I read a long time ago written by a retired pastor and dug it out of my files and reread it again tonight. I was looking for a picture with humor that might reflect the words, "Living on the Edge." What came to me when I saw this picture was when we really let go, someone is usually there to give you a hand. :-)

As we are witness to each other's lives, with many that are undergoing great personal challenges, our sharing of our stories are often uplifting to others as they traverse the precipice of their very own foundation.


SOME THINGS I HAVE LEARNED FROM LIVING ON THE EDGE
(Authors permission to share)

Sermon by Richard Birdsall

I Cor. 13

I know what I am about to do this morning is not very traditional, but I would like to share with you something about my experience of living with cancer and what it has taught me about life, death, love, peace and God. I want to do this because we all know people with cancer or we might even be diagnosed with it ourselves. What I am going to share with you is not unique but very individual, and yet it has some very strong universal characteristics. People living with cancer have an immediate connection when meeting. It is almost like we know each other because we share a common disease even though we may not have ever met. We have, in one way or another, walked the same road and share some common experiences.

When you receive the diagnosis of cancer, especially when there is no realistic hope of a cure, you are suddenly in a whole new world. It is both awful and yet amazing, it is terrifying and yet invigorating, it is grieving and yet you are alive like never before. You experience life at a whole other level, every feeling, every emotion, every experience, every touch, every friend, every sunrise or sunset or even a flower are suddenly appreciated at a level never before experienced. It is horrible and yet marvelous at the same time as you realize you may be dying and yet you are suddenly so much more alive than ever before and everything around you takes on more meaning than you ever thought possible. It is what I call “living on the edge” and it is difficult to experience and maintain when your health is good and you take life so much for granted. Believe it or not when I am in remission I miss living on the edge. I have difficulty maintaining it because I am not in crisis. I try hard to live with appreciation and gratitude but I have to work at it because the crisis of dying is not imminent. Once you have experienced it your whole life is changed. I wish I could have discovered this without the disease but I don’t think, at least not for me, it would have been possible.

LIVING ON THE EDGE MEANS LIVING WITH A SENSE OF GRATITUDE.

You suddenly have a new appreciation for almost everything. All of life, everything has new color. There is almost a compulsion to thank everyone around you for their love and friendship, every relationship takes on new value, you find yourself studying the features of your loved ones, the lines in their faces, the shape of their hands, the way they move and laugh; you see things in them that you simply overlooked before, you just want to grab them and hug the living daylights out of them and tell them how much you love them and thank them for giving their love to you in return. You find yourself saying over and over again to your spouse “thank you for loving me”. You feel so blessed, so grateful and you are overwhelmed with thanksgiving. Going through this I began to realize we are built for survival if we give and receive love messages. This, it seems to me, is the core of our essential humanity whose nature is peace and whose expression is thought and whose action is giving and receiving love. Thus this passage of scripture this morning, so familiar to all of us: in essence what Paul is saying here is----------if you don’t know how to give and receive love, you miss what life is all about; you miss what it means to be a human being, you can do everything right but if you have not love the only sound you make is like a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. Without giving and receiving love our life song is out of tune, nothing more than musical dissonance, off key with no harmony in our lives, no pure life music, only sounds that hurt the ear. That’s what one’s life is like without love. Love is basic to our humanity; it is our core. The old song is right-------- ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE----- “RA TADA TADA”.

You also marvel at the world around you, sometimes you stop and close your eyes and just listen to the sounds of life. Even a smallest insect that sometimes we just squash without even thinking about it becomes a marvel in and of itself because it contains life, a marvelous life of its’ own. You look at mountains differently, you get as close as you can to a flower and look at the detail, the intricacy of each petal, and you are so thankful to be able just to hold it in total amazement. All of life is filled with loving intensity.

LIVING ON THE EDGE HAS OPENED THE DOOR TO GAIN A GREAT DEAL OF SELF KNOWLEDGE.

You learn so much about yourself so fast that it is a roller coaster ride, new ideas, fresh thoughts, internal understanding all rush into your consciousness with such speed you can hardly take it all in. Our disease can speak to us and if we open the doors of perception I think we may be amazed at what comes in and you realize that you can use your pain for personal transformation. Somehow you understand that if you die you want to die healed and if you are going to survive you have to change in order to heal. You realize the only time you can be alive is in the moment, the Buddhists call it “living mindfully.” You stop feeling sorry for yourself because even in the midst of dying you begin to realize that this whole process is worth every minute because you have learned so much about yourself. Cancer has been a wake up call for me, I have been graced with cancer, it has been the best teacher I have ever had, I have had some great teachers who have given me ideas, but this one has taught me to experience my life. How can I not be grateful for being blessed in this way?

LIVING ON THE EDGE HAS TAUGHT ME HOW IMPORTANT IT IS TO FIND YOUR PEACE.

I had an appointment with my Dr. a week and a half ago, I want to go off my medication for a while just to see if we can find something else that works, he said “you and your cancer have a symbiotic relationship,” “I said that is correct, I decided a long time ago not to fight cancer but to make a deal with it and it went like this. “We can work this out, we can live together, I am not asking you to die but don’t kill me either for if you do then we both die, let’s just plan to live together.” I stopped praying for instant healing, for God told me to stop my complaining, that God had given me everything I need and to just trust it. My prayer then changed to “whatever the future holds I will receive it as a gift from your hand.” I turned it over, I practiced the discipline of relinquishing. And I began to heal, not be cured but began to heal and I found my peace. I became aware that I was able to relax with my disease as never before. Finding your peace is so important. We are all terminal, we are all going to die, none of us are going to get out of this thing alive. So it is not really, when you stop to think about it, whether we live or die but how are we going to live? How do I find my peace? I think people who survive learn how to embrace life and find their peace rather than trying to figure out how to avoid death.

LIVING ON THE EDGE HAS TAUGHT ME MORE ABOUT GOD

God is so much greater than our personal or pet theologies; God is not going to stay inside the box of our dogmatic belief systems. As I said during our last communion service, “when we come before God we do not come with all our accomplishments, all of our comforts, all of our titles, not even all our wealth or power. God is simply not interested in the kind of stuff we strive for here on this earth. We come before God stripped naked, barefoot with only our soul in our cupped hands, all of our theologies and pet belief systems are to no avail. We come with nothing and when we do that we realize the marvelous grace, healing forgiveness and the accepting love of God. We do not have to perform, we can just be. I think only when we are able to do that do we find out who we really are and become free to be nothing more than that and yet everything we were meant to be. No pretence, no wondering what other people think, no one upmanship or trying to be accepted or to impress, you are free to become the person God meant you to be. You can call it being born again, being converted or whatever, it does not matter; God in Jesus finds us and when that happens we find ourselves as well.” I keep telling my grandkids, “no one can live your life for you, your life is your gift and if you fail to live it no one else can do it for you. Find out who you are.”

Jesus was his own person and seeks us out so that we can find out who we are as well. He did not live inside the box, he broke with tradition, with orthodoxy, with the culture of the day; he loved everyone he met and in the process broke down all kinds of barriers that have a tendency to divide and separate people from their own humanity. We all bleed the same way.

Again in the words of Ellie Wiesel, “When I stand before the judgment, God will not ask me why I did not become a messiah, or why didn’t you find a cure for cancer? The only thing we are going to be asked at that precious moment is why didn’t you become you?”

When I was pastor of the church in Issaquah, once a month I used to hold services at a local care center in a division that was marked “Senile Ward”. I guess now we would call it an Alzheimer’s unit. It was a locked room, most of the people in there could not hold a conversation, they could remember the old hymns and could recite the Lord’s Prayer but that was about it. There was one lady I will never forget, she had long gray hair and when I went to shake her hand she would gently take my hand put it up to her lips, kiss my hand and say to me, “You are such a beautiful person.” Every time she did that it moved me, she touched my heart with her words. The fact that she said the same thing to everyone who greeted her made no difference. I will never forget her. I keep her alive by telling this story whenever I can. In doing so I honor her. Here was a woman supposedly mentally incompetent doing for me what few sane people have ever done, the simple act of kissing my hand and telling me how beautiful I was. That act and those words still linger in my mind; they still move me whenever I think about them. We can do that for each other, if not literally then by the way we treat each other. And God does that hundreds of times a day, ------------every day. God kisses us, warts and all, and whispers into our lives over and over until we begin to believe it, words of grace------“you are a beautiful person.”

Note: Bernie Siegel’s book “ Peace, Love and Healing” has helped me understand what I was experiencing. Other books: Norman Cousin’s “Anatomy of an Illness”, Siegel’s “Love, Medicine & Miracles, Joan Borysenko’s “Minding the Body, Mending the Mind”, Carl Simonton’s “Getting Well Again” are just a few of the many others that have been helpful to me. There are other concepts, which are also important, but how much can you get into one sermon?

Heart of Wisdom... Follow Up at Froedtert

Froedtert Neurosurgeon Follow Up, 12/2

Yesterday, I had my neurosurgery follow up appointment.

Afterward I needed a reminder from my mom that no matter what I am told from the Doctors--- God has numbered my days on Earth, it is a predetermined number he knows for me since my birth and the news from the Doctor can not change that.

I then found this verse, Psalm 90:12.

"Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom."

This was extremely powerful to me. Since the surgery I have been trying to live each day with contentment and patience and kindness. Gaining a heart of wisdom was a good reminder. It made me think of the importance in "training up Anna and William" and the importance of it each day --just in case my days are limited on Earth. Even if they aren't and I live a long life, I think it is a good reminder to live with wisdom in all we do. And, not to get overwhelmed with everyday life (which I tend to forget in my new quest to feel to get "everything in order" in case something did happen!)

The news from the doctor was not overwhelming positive or negative. He spent a fair amount of time explaining the procedure and showing us the films. My Dad came along for this appointment, and being an engineer found this VERY interesting. But, I have to admit it really was incredible to see. But, as my mom has said too...it often feels like they are talking about someone else, not me. And, even as they are showing me the films, I kept having to remind myself it was my brain they were showing me. And, the extreme bleeding into my eye area was in my head.

They put 41 individual platinum coils to shut off the artery that was bleeding. He said it typically takes just a few coils, so this was a rare and very extreme case. We joked about how expensive I am now walking around with platinum coils. Both of my doctors are professors, so I told them I am glad my case gives them something interesting to research/write about and a good case for their students to learn from. Their skill and talent was truly evident in our discussion.

The good news is, my condition was rare. The probability of it happening again is next to none. So, that is GOOD News! They told me it is 99% that the repair they did, I will never have a problem with again. GOOD news!

The news that can be seen as Good or Bad news is, they are extremely dumbfounded on why this would happen to someone my age, health and such a severe case. They believe I have a lack of collagen in my DNA that makes my arteries, veins, and skin weak. During all my surgeries, the surgeons would find that the arteries would tear more when trying to do the repairs making them think something is wrong genetically. After discussing it further, this would make a lot of sense. My skin has always been paper-thin and cuts very easily. In addition, during my C-section with the twins, my doctors commented that when they went to suture me up, my incision would just keep tearing further. This collagen deficiency would explain my skin and arteries tearing. I am relieved someone might have found a root cause to something that has been an issue for awhile.

So, they are sending me to a dermatologist at Froedtert in February, so I can have a biopsy done to see if I have this collagen syndrome. If I do have this, this is greater chance of future aneryisms in other parts of my body (heart, brain, etc). If it ends up I do have this syndrome they will monitor me more closely than they normally would. This was the part that I needed to reflect upon yesterday. And, I really thank my Mom for taking the time to talk with me about my anxiety about this news.

I will be going back to Froedtert in February and March for this collagen bioposy, to see the neuro-optomistrist, to have an MRA and see my neurosurgeon again. At this time, my eye is still closed and unable to move. I was told to continue to rest and give this time. The good news is the nerves were not damaged or severed during the surgery. They are just compressed (or "bruised") so time might heal them. I was told to be patient -- again reminded it could take 6 months to 2 years for my eye to heal.

Tomorrow, I go to have an EKG done on my heart. I am told I have a murmur that might be attributing to me being so tired. So, I should know those results in a week or so.

I continue to thank everyone for their emails, calls and thoughts and prayers.

Today I found myself again where I needed to be, trusting God. He knows HIS plans for my life. And, He will bring me home when it is my time. Not before. Until then I am going to try to continue learning, growing and gaining a "heart of wisdom."

Love, Claudine

From Pain to Wellness and Music Videos

A few email friends of mine shared with me music videos and books the past few days. This seems to be a wonderful forum for sharing information, and so I thought I would post them here for you. I had a lovely talk with my sister Jean today and she relayed a funny story that happened yesterday. A neighbor of Claudine's delivered some lunch to the house, and when leaving the word grateful was mentioned and the twins popped in with, "We could do the gratitude dance." I can still see the image in my mind and it brought laughter to my heart.

Thanks Kate for the Sarah McLachlan and Josh Groban rendition of, "In the Arms of an Angel," and Laura for sharing with me the recently released book entitled, "From Pain to Wellness," authored by James Gruft, M.D., who served as medical director of one of the oldest pain management programs in the Chicago area for over 14 years. Laura worked with Dr. Gruft for a number of years in the hospital. Books are always nice to share as gifts.

Note from Kate:

Hi, Kristie and Claudine,
Thanks for sending me a link to this post. Interestingly, but not surprisingly, I was wandering among the music posts on YouTube and listened to a couple of versions of this very song just a day or two ago.

This is a nice version w/Sarah McLachlan & Josh Groban:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZHrbjhwKik

After watching Sarah's, another one caught my eye too.....

"Celine Dion and Josh Groban live - The Prayer"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WK9nt1NF7Nw&feature=related

I wish all of you a great start to the week, and may the notes you sing, reflect the song of your soul.

About the Author

James Gruft, M.D., F.A.A.P.M.R., D.A.B.P.M., is the founder and director of From Pain to Wellness, LLC. He served as medical director of one of the oldest pain management programs in the Chicago area for over 14 years. Dr. Gruft is board-certified in physical medicine and rehabilitation (P.M.&R.) and pain medicine (F.A.A.P.M.R. and D.A.B.P.M.). He is a member of the American Academy of Pain Medicine and a diplomate of the American Board of Pain Medicine. Dr. Gruft received his M.D. from George Washington University School of Medicine and completed his residency at Columbia University's College of Physicians & Surgeons, Presbyterian Hospital in New York City. As a Best Doctor for the years 2003 to the present, he is respected by physicians throughout the nation as one of the premier pain specialists practicing today. Dr. Gruft is an assistant professor at Rush Medical College and regularly trains resident physicians in the art and science of pain medicine. Dr. Gruft lives in the Chicago area with his wife and their two children.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/product-description/0981563902/ref=dp_proddesc_0?ie=UTF8&n=283155&s=books

(Today the new AARP magazine arrived in the mail (Jan/Feb. 2009) and there is an article in it that complements the book listed above, "Drug-Free Remedies for Chronic Pain," also listed is a whole page on Alternative Treatments that Work on Pain.)

Kristie